Parenting from guilt

As a single mother, there are times that I sob about all the missed moments with my children. Whether it be because of school or work I always feel like it is my children who have missed out. I am a child of two parent home where my father worked, sometimes two jobs, and my mother stayed home. I know her job was not easy and she worked very hard and I also felt like we are close partly because she was home all the time.

My father and I have a good relationship now, but for years he was the man who I saw on weekends sometimes and vacations. His work ethic has always been high and to make ends meet he did what he had to do.

Now, as I parent my children in a single, working mother environment it is only realistic that I feel some guilt. My childhood wasn't perfect but their are many things I wish my children could also experience.

I found myself parenting from guilt, especially early on. I would buy my eldest almost everything she wanted and I never followed through with many of my punishments. I would find myself so frustrated because after being gone all day the last thing I wanted to do was to yell at my daughter or keep telling her no.

Through the guidance of the Children's Resource Center (CRC), I learned to let go of much of that guilt. I learned that giving her discipline for wrong choices is something she needs to become a positive and productive part of society.

We worked on setting boundaries and the importance of house rules and consequences and rewards. It helped me to become a better parent and I will be eternally grateful to the programs I went through and the councilors we worked with.

Children don't come with instructions and being a single parent is twice the stress. It is not easy to always know what the right thing to do. I think it is important for people to not be ashamed to ask for help from agencies such as CRC. They are professionals and are there to help each person individually.

I still have guilt sometimes, as everything I choose to do has an opportunity cost. School and homework takes away from my children, my children take away from my housework sometimes and time for myself always feels like cheating. However I've learned to not sweat the small stuff. If the dishes go unwashed for a night it's OK, take the time to play with the kids. If I create a game for them to play together while I work, I'm still a good mom. And most importantly a happy Heather, with a little time spent on herself, is a happy mom for them!

Super Single Mom Moment: Don't feel guilty for doing the best you can.