A holiday without my kids just isn't really a holiday!

It has been a while since I have posted due to technical difficulties, mainly a really old computer and no job to earn money to buy a new one.

I am at my parents today using their much newer computer and enjoying the 4th of July.

Our family is very close and so many of my niece and nephews are here enjoying the swimming pool and eating burgers. Unfortunately my children are at their fathers and will be going to a quarry for their fireworks. I know they will have fun, however I ache that they will not be able to participate in something that is priceless to me. The fun of a large close family!

I grew up spending every holiday with the same aunts, uncles and cousins. We played sports, made up games, had water gun and water balloon fights. It is part of who I am today and it makes me sad that they will be missing out this year.

I know their time with their father is important but I wish his idea of enjoying a holiday was being surrounded by family not strangers watching an exciting fireworks display! But I guess family is family at least they will be with their siblings and with their father who does love them.

Just Call me Mamma Grad!

As my school days come to a end I can't help but think of the long hard road that brought me here. I started Owens right out of high school and continued for 3 years before I got pregnant with my first child. I took time off and said I'd go back soon. I worked in factories and then Wal-Mart in the mean time.

I had just had my second child when a few friends of mine took myself and another girl out for mothers day. As we talked to catch up I sat there listening to him talk about living in Germany for two years, a year n New York and now living on the beach with his brother in Florida I expressed my adoration for his courage and success. He looked at me and said, "What's stopping you?" As I stared to make my excuses he shook his head and he told me if wanted something to do it.

I thought about his words for a week and then I realize, the only thing holding me back was myself. I signed up for classes and began my collegiate path again.

I learned of programs such as FASFA that would be able to help me be able to afford school. Friends told me of child care assistance that enabled me to afford childcare. Government programs such as HEAP helped to keep my utilities working.There are organizations such as churches and The Salvation Army can help also.

However; it was I who worked hard to earn the grades and pass the courses I did, with the help and understanding of many professors who really cheered me on as I struggled but overcame and finished.

On Saturday, May 8th I will walk with my fellow Public Relations friends as we receive our Bachelors of Science in Journalism/Public Relations with a minor in Sociology. In the audience my mom and dad will see the first of all their children receive a college diploma. My sister, aunt and most importantly my 10 year old daughter will be watching also, and cheering me on.

Super Single Mom Moment: Pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments, you earned them!

Parenting from guilt

As a single mother, there are times that I sob about all the missed moments with my children. Whether it be because of school or work I always feel like it is my children who have missed out. I am a child of two parent home where my father worked, sometimes two jobs, and my mother stayed home. I know her job was not easy and she worked very hard and I also felt like we are close partly because she was home all the time.

My father and I have a good relationship now, but for years he was the man who I saw on weekends sometimes and vacations. His work ethic has always been high and to make ends meet he did what he had to do.

Now, as I parent my children in a single, working mother environment it is only realistic that I feel some guilt. My childhood wasn't perfect but their are many things I wish my children could also experience.

I found myself parenting from guilt, especially early on. I would buy my eldest almost everything she wanted and I never followed through with many of my punishments. I would find myself so frustrated because after being gone all day the last thing I wanted to do was to yell at my daughter or keep telling her no.

Through the guidance of the Children's Resource Center (CRC), I learned to let go of much of that guilt. I learned that giving her discipline for wrong choices is something she needs to become a positive and productive part of society.

We worked on setting boundaries and the importance of house rules and consequences and rewards. It helped me to become a better parent and I will be eternally grateful to the programs I went through and the councilors we worked with.

Children don't come with instructions and being a single parent is twice the stress. It is not easy to always know what the right thing to do. I think it is important for people to not be ashamed to ask for help from agencies such as CRC. They are professionals and are there to help each person individually.

I still have guilt sometimes, as everything I choose to do has an opportunity cost. School and homework takes away from my children, my children take away from my housework sometimes and time for myself always feels like cheating. However I've learned to not sweat the small stuff. If the dishes go unwashed for a night it's OK, take the time to play with the kids. If I create a game for them to play together while I work, I'm still a good mom. And most importantly a happy Heather, with a little time spent on herself, is a happy mom for them!

Super Single Mom Moment: Don't feel guilty for doing the best you can.

Group Projects, a continuous thorn in my side

As a college student and single mother one thing, besides the obvious money issues, has really been an obstacle throughout the years, group work outside of class. As a single mother dependent upon child care schedules the time to work on individual projects is very limited. Add to that a group project with other people's schedules and a project can be almost unmanageable.

As a senior I had group projects in this semester alone I have been involved with one small group project and two semester long projects that count for either all or over half of my grade.

According to the 2009 National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE) 58% of the seniors worked outside of class with classmates to prepare assignments and 23% participated in a community –based project as part of a regular course.

I realize that working in groups is a valuable tool to help students prepare for the work place.i. According to an article in the Journal of Education for Business, more than 80% of organizations employ multiple types of workplace teams. Also according to the Teaching Tips from the BGSU Center for Teaching, Learning and Technology, “groups are a resourceful way for students to share ideas, partner to solve problems and help one another.

Group projects in the classroom are a problem because of Time management
According to the 2009 NSSE 36% of BGSU graduating seniors spent between 11-20 hours preparing for class, 12% spent between 11-20 hours working off campus and 15% spent between 6-10 hours participating in co-curricular activities (NSSE, 2009).Additionally According to the 2009, BGSU Graduate Senior Questionnaire 71% of seniors reported working at a Job off campus while enrolled, 65% participated in volunteer/service work, 52% in social clubs, and 57% reported working in a co-op (BGSU Graduate Senior Questionnaire, 2009).

Because of this issue I believe group projects should be given more time during class and outside class time group projects should be optional. Another way to aid in this issue for single parents is to enact a program for watching children for at the most two hours while their parents meet with group project members on campus.

Super Single Mom Moment: Finding time to add something else in your day is hard, make sure you explain your predicament to your group. Your time with your kids are just as if not more important then a job.

Life on Medicaid

Medicaid
One of the programs I qualify for is Medical assistance or Medicaid. It has changed since I first began using it. Now I have two providers to chose from, Paramount and Buckeye Community Heath Plan. I was automatically put in Buckeye Community when the switch happened but I have often wondered if I should switch. A friend of mine has Paramount and we have noticed differences. I wish I had something I could hold that could tell me the pros and cons of each

According to a New York Times article With Medicaid Cuts, Doctors, and Patients Drop Out reimbursements from Medicaid are so low that Dr. are losing money every time they take a patient who has Medicaid.

Because of this, patients are having trouble finding doctors and dentists who will accept their coverage. I myself had to call 3 different eye doctors, who were recommended by my medicaid insurance company agent, before I found one that would take my insurance.

Not only is it hard to find a doctor who will take the insurance but then the insurance may not cover a procedure you need done. The New York times article said that "The states and the federal government share the cost of Medicaid but it falls to the state to control spending by setting limits on eligibility, benefits and provider payments within brad federal guidelines."

So how does Ohio's two medicaid providers stack up against each other?


With treatment and prevention coming in even one would have to wonder exactly what the big difference in satisfaction comes from. It is possible the inability to get quick or fast care are factors in this. The availability of service providers and quality of those providers likely have a lot to do with it.

Unfortunately there is no quick answer to these problems. I believe that Obama is on the right track with his health care reform. However, is it enough? I don't know but I hope. However with the large debate about the health care bill going around it is hard to know what will happen.

Sometimes I hear people I know say horrible things about people in HUD housing and who use medicaid. Some of them I call friends. It is hard but I have to let them know how I feel about it. I feel it is my duty to remind them of the reason those programs exist. Not to let people be lazy and do nothing, but to help those who need it at the time. I am one of those people, although with my impending graduation, I hope to change that. It still has helped me get this far.

I know some people who are ashamed to be using the programs I speak about, I have a friend who doesn't tell her kids let alone anyone she may date what her situation is, and I respect her decision even though I disagree with it.

I am not happy I'm in the exact situation that I'm in but I'm not ashamed either. I am a single mother just finishing college and these programs are in place to help me to be able to get that education and do better. I think letting my daughter believe that money and food just happens to drop out of the sky, when I'm not working, is irresponsible.

I want my daughters to know that there is aid, but I'm working to get off of it. That nothing should be taken for granted. That the house we live in is available to us through these programs because society should care about those who are less fortunate, not less of a people.

I want them to know that it is not out of the kindness of our hearts that we should have programs in place for those less fortunate but as a member of society it is our duty to help those who need it.

Super Single Mom Moment: Know the programs that are out there and research the ones best for you, like which Medicaid provider is best for you and your family.

A member of my support system

I have often spoken of my support system and how they are essential to my success as a single mom and a college student. Here is a video that I made of my kids and my dad. He tells about his special relationship with my kids.

Super Single Mom Moment: Utilize those around you who love you and your kids. Everyone wins when these types of relationships are built.

A Neverending Story; My Domestic Violence Story: Part III

“How do you get rid of an abusive boyfriend?” That was the question I posed to my Wal-Mart coworker in October 2004.

As I stated in an earlier blog, The Beginning and The Beginning of the End; My Domestic Violence Story: Part I , domestic violence is when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate another. Most victims of Domestic Violence suffer physical, psychological/emotional, and financial abuse.

Many times throughout an eight year relationship family members and friends asked me why I did not leave my abuser. It was not until I went to group therapy at Behavioral Connections of Wood County that I felt as if someone understood.

I had learned of the group through my Rape and Domestic violence advocate Ivy. As described in The Terror of Giving a Statement; My domestic Violence Story: Part II, I met Ivy that day I told a coworker and ended up at the Wood County Hospital to participate in a rape kit.

A rape kit is the biological and physical evidence collected from a victim of a sexual assault. It is used as evidence and may be declined by the victim. Clothing samples were taken, swabs were used in areas where bodily fluids may be and pictures were taken of various parts of my body. And then after giving a full statement to the police I had to recount it for Ivy and the nurse to take notes.

Ivy met with me to find out how I was doing and to help guide me through the court process. As part of the road to healing she suggested I attend a domestic violence group that she mediated.
The group consisted of me and other women, all in different stages of their domestic violence healing.

We came together to learn more about our abusers and how to stay safe. Some of the women had been victims when they were young, some were still with their abusers and a few of us were just getting out of our relationships. I was the only one in that group about to face a trial. No others had brought charges against their abusers.

Police have a hard job when it comes to domestic Violence. The fear of retaliation keeps women from following through with charges or even reporting them at all. Temporary Protection Orders (TPO’s) and Personal Protection Orders (PPO’s) are only good to those who call when violated and those men who abide by them.

I was told to give a copy of mine to work, my child’s daycare and her school. When I went to another town I was told to call the police and let them know I had one and that I was coming. At work there were so many people that worked the doors it would have been hard for them to know if he showed up.

When I called the police to tell them in another town I was going to be staying, they asked why I had called unless he had broken it. I felt embarrassed, doing something that I was told was to help protect me. These orders look good in the abstract however in reality the confidence in them is low.

Mike Williams, a police officer said, "Until the TPO or PPO is violated there isn't much we can do. However, giving the police a heads up can help them be aware of a possible situation."

Williams also said that keeping records and contacting the police every time the order is broken is helpful to show a pattern of unlawfulness.

After all of this the trial can be the most difficult part of coming forward as a domestic violence victim. Witnesses, evidence and being face to face with your abuser are why many do not want to take it this far.

I had a lot of support both legally with the prosecutor, my lawyer (appointed and free), my advocate both from the prosecution office and social services and my family and it was still the scariest thing I ever did.

I felt like I was on trial for everything I’d ever done in my life. The defense lawyer, of course had no sympathy. This is another reason why many women never file charges on their abusers.

I ran into snags left and right during the process, such as keeping my new address private and off the court papers. Without the help of my advocate, I would have been completely lost in the process.

I would like to say I went all the way through the trial, but I did not. After the birth of our second daughter we got back together and the prosecution struck a deal with the defense. My abuser was forced to get an assessment and to undergo counseling.

With the aid of all those around me I did finally my abuser. We have three children together and he will never be completely out of my life. I get stronger and further away from him every day.

If leaving the abuser was as simple as some think we would have no need of all the Domestic Violence Programs. Fear and psychological effects are hard to overcome, especially when you add children to the mix. Even with all the help a woman can receive now it is never simple or easy.

Super Single Mom Moment: Every case is different, take a deep breath and utilize those who can and want to help and those who love you to make the decision that is right for you!

Make your Family Bonding Night a Classic Movie Night

Classic Movie Night
A good cheep inexpensive Saturday night activity and way to bond with your children is to hold a classic movie night. This can’t just be sitting down and watching a movie, you have to do a little more but it can do a lot for you and your children.

Picking a Classic Movie
Choosing a classic movie will give you something to talk about with your children. You can talk about how you felt when you first watch this movie, where you lived and why you really liked it. It gives you a reason to share a little about yourself with your children.

To find a good classic movie you can check out the Turner Classic Movie website. It has a database of movies, lists of what it's playing and tons more.

Create a Setting
Bring down pillows and blankets and make a large area for you and your children to lay down or sit comfortably. Sitting together can help make it a bonding moment too. If you’re all sitting in different seats it’s not as much of a together moment.

Or line some chairs up like a movie theater and turn out the lights, this creates a mood for the children.

Make some Snacks
Letting the kids help make popcorn, or snacks such as banana splits, milkshakes can make it a fun time too. While making the popcorn maybe make a couple of different bowls with mix-ins such as chocolate candy, different seasonings, or caramel popcorn, to make it interesting.

Learning Moments
Depending on the age or age range of your children if the movie has a nice message this can be a lead in to discussing important morals or values you want to instill into your child.

Super Single Mom Moment: These are the movies you loved, why not expose your children to something dear to you!

Birthday Parties! A Yearly Expense

I don’t know about the rest of you single mom’s out there but when I know one of my children’s birthday’s are coming up I start to tear up, and it’s not only because they are another year older! Birthday parties have become an expensive event. You can almost rank it up there with Christmas and it usually exceeds Easter and Halloween!

Why? After you buy all the party supplies aka: matching decorations, the present, a new outfit, party favors, food and a cake do you have anything left for entertainment? I don’t, so I try to find creative ways to bring my cost down. I have already talked about my Ohio Direction card which takes care of the food, cake and snacks. However, even with it I don’t usually have any extra every month so I must plan and budget for these things.

If you have the money to it can seem like a great idea to give store baought party favors. Where do those little toys that you can buy from Wal-Mart and other stores really end up? Mine usually end up in the trash or sometimes as bath toys for a while, because I don’t mind throwing them away.

Instead of giving cheep toys why not give something that they could actually use? A picture or a t-shirt is something they can have fun designing and keep forever. If you give a picture you could buy a cheap frame from a dollar store or make them from Popsicle sticks.Let the kids decorate them as part of the entertainment. T shirts can be bought in packs of 5 and then either written on with cloth markers or puffy paint. These materials can also be used over and over and are somewhat of an investment. Doing cheep crafts with them helps with something to do and gives them something to take home.

I also believe in using things you already have, for girl’s slumber parties, old dress up clothes and make up is an easy way for them to be entertained. Food crafts are always fun too. Have them help bake some cookies, cupcakes and then decorate them. Having a dance contest is cheep and makes for great video's that can be made into keepsakes. The winner doesn’t need to get a prize, they can get other perks, like the first to pick an outfit or get their hair and make up done. There are tons of cheep sleepover games to play with all different ages.

For summer birthday parties a trip to the park is always an A+ with my kids, the playground equipment is the entertainment and all I have to do is worry about getting the food around, the presents opened and taking good pictures!

Super Single Mom Moment: Fun is the most important ingrediant in a good Birthday Party not Money!

Photo by: Heather Camden

The Terror and Relief of Making a Statement; My Domestic Violence Story:Pat II

It was the morning of October 8, 2005 about 2:30 am when I was subjected to hours of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. My four-year-old daughter lay awake in the next room filled with fear and confusion. Afraid of what he may do to me or our daughter, I endured it and waited without sleep until it was time for me to go to work. I had endured years of this but this was the second time my daughter, of an age of understanding, witnessed her father abusing me. I knew it had to stop, but I was unsure of what to do or even how to begin. I fretted about whether to just take our daughter and leave or leave her there so he would not be suspicious.

Although it killed me I left her there and went to work hoping that a friend who was also in law enforcement would be there. As I entered I did what I always did after the abuse, put on a fake smile and pretended I was the happiest girl in the world. It was fairly easy; I’d been doing it since I was young to stop my mother’s fear of my depressions. Now, it came in handy for my abuser.

We were having a potluck that day and during my break I caught my supervisor and Melanie, the coworker I was looking for, alone. I asked one simple question, “How do you get rid of an abusive boyfriend?” And with one simple question of her own she cracked my facade. “Recently physically abusive,” Melanie asked and I began to cry. I showed her the bite mark and bruises from that morning. She made a call to the police and before I knew it I was giving an account of what happened to an officer.

I was then escorted to the police station and gave a taped statement. Melanie sat beside me the whole time holding my hand when at times the fear of my abusers retaliation would fill my body and the need to flee would take hold. She never told me I had to stay but she assured me that she would do all she could to help me get away from my abuser.

I interviewed a police officer, Mike Williams, about taking statements from domestic violence victims. Williams, said"taking statements of domestic violence is never easy. " He said that the intimate nature of some of the questions he must ask is hard on both sides.

Williams said, "I know that in the end these questions will aid in the prosecution of the offender and that's why it's my duty to ask them."

After the police statement I was taken directly to the hospital. There were two reasons for this the first was because of the sexual nature of the abuse and the second to make sure the four month old unborn child in my stomach was still OK. While I was on my way to the hospital a police officers went to my apartment to pick up my daughter and to arrest my abuser.

Williams said, "I try to make it the least stressful on any children in the house as I can."

I was assured that they had two officers, one took my abuser as he answered the door and the other went immediately to find my daughter so she did not witness him being arrested.

A special nurse was assigned to me who had been trained to administer a rape kit. The invasive nature of this medical/forensic tool is hard to describe. Many times I felt like crying and saying stop it is too much. However, I understood the need and purpose of it and cooperated as well as I could. The nurse administering the rape kit was very well trained and did a good job of gentle guiding me through the procedures.

Part of the rape kit was to take down my statement. The nurse did this and as a matter of procedure I was assigned a victim advocate, Ivy. I sat there, Melanie by my side, and retold the story again in front of two new strangers. I didn’t know it then but Ivy would become one of the most important people in my life at this time.

I interviewed Dawn Thompson a LPN, about what she was taught about domestic violence victims. She said, "I was only taught to look for signs."

Thompson also said she was taught to comfort anyone who expresses that they are a victim of domestic violence.

"We are supposed to alert authorities." Thompson said.

When I was done I had an ultrasound to make sure my baby was all right. It was and my coworker escorted me to my apartment to gather some of my possessions. Already there were collect calls from the jail from my abuser. I broke down and cried again and Melanie hugged me tightly.

From there came charges and court cases. I will discuss that in a later post.

Super Single Mom Moment: Sometimes it is the unlikeliest people we use to get help. Melanie was my "angel".You never know when you will have the chance to be a domestic violence victim's "angel".

Parks and Museums in Northwestern Ohio

As Spring arrives and summer begins single mothers are sometimes at a loss for what to do with thier children. With little to no extra spending money the activities can seem very limited. Here is a map for those of you who want to do some things with your children that is low to no cost.



View Parks and Museums in Northwestern Ohio in a larger map

Super Single Mom Moment: Doing fun and inexpensive activities with your children.

Car Seats and Booster Seat Laws

Carseat and Booster Seat laws have changed so much in recent years I thought it would be benneficial to let everyone know what it is. A complete list of what the law is for each state can be found at elitecarseats.com.

In Ohio infants must be in a rear facing carseat until age one and they must meet the requirement of 20lbs. Children must be in a carseat until the age of 4 and they must meet the requirment of 40lbs before they can move up to a booster seat. Children must sit in a booster seat until the age of 8 and they must meet the requirment of 57".

The Beginning & The Beginning of the End; My Domestic Violence Story: Part I

It was a beautiful sunny day and I was catching up with the girls I went to high school with. I was 19 and in my second semester of college when I met my abuser. He was short dark and handsome and he had the most charming and heart stopping smile I had ever seen. Our relationship started with innocent flirting and ended in three children, one domestic violence charge, one sexual assault charge, one rape charge and over 8 years of emotional and physical abuse.

According to domesticviolence.org domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating. According to womenslaw.org the Ohio Revised Code describes domestic violence as:
(A) No person shall knowingly cause or attempt to cause physical harm to a family or household member.

(B) No person shall recklessly cause serious physical harm to a family or household member.

(C) No person, by threat of force, shall knowingly cause a family or household member to believe that the offender will cause imminent physical harm to the family or household member.

(D)(1) Whoever violates this section is guilty of domestic violence

According to domestic violence.org there is a cycle of Violence. first there is increased tension, anger blaming and arguing then an incident happens which could be Battering, hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, use of objects as weapons, sexual abuse, verbal abuse or threats and then there is a stage of calm where the abuser may deny, make excuses, apologize and promise it will never happen again.

My abuser definitely went through this cycle which can keep the victim feeling always on edge and confused. I was never sure when the calm would suddenly end and the cycle would begin again. For years I hid it from my family, friends and co-workers. Although some had ideas and knew that our relationship was not healthy none had any idea just how bad it was. Until the day I came to work with bruises on my body and bite marks on my four month pregnant belly.

In the next couple of posts I will discuss my next steps and give information from hospitals, courts and counseling centers for those who are or may know someone going through a domestic violence situation.

Image from jccdv.org

Super Single Mom Moment: Domestic Violence has a cycle that is designed to keep the victim on edge and in the relationship. Don't feel embarrassed your not the only one!

The Potty is Your Friend: Getting your child ready to potty train

Peeing in front of your toddler can feel akward but sometimes thats just what you have to do to teach them how to use the toilet. I've had a child in my life and in my bathroom since the age of 22(Raven was born when I was 21 so it was about a year before I gave up my right to privacy in the bathroom). 10 years later with my third child it is no different. My son follows me into the restroom continuoulsly. However unlike with the two girls before him, he can't learn everything from me. Now all I have to do is convince his father that it is a normal process of potty training to let your child watch you use the toilet.

According to http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/ There are certain needs that must be apparent before a child can be ready to potty train.

Physiological

They must be able to stay dry for at least 2 hours: This is to show that they have some control over their bladder.

Voiding large amounts: Another sign to show that they can control their bladder.

Psychological

Know that they are voiding: If they don't recognize the feeling they can't tell you before or try to make it to the potty.

Want to potty train: If they aren't interested or excited about it there isn't really much you can do to get them to potty train.

Physical

Be able to walk: If they can't get around they can't get to the potty!

www.kepkeidshealty aslo says that once your child has reached all these ready signs that you must set the stage for them.

Model: This is when you need to tell and show them what they are supose to use the potty for.

Get the poty ready: Make sure it is the right height and easy for the child to use.

Decide on Pull-ups, training pants and underwear (at different stages your child may be ready for these): Pull-ups are good to start with until the child has some consistant success or they may get discouraged when they have accedents and make messes upon the floor.

Now You Can Start!

Super Single Mom Moment: Make sure you and your child are ready before attmepting to Potty Train so neither of you get frustrated!

The Bond of Siblings

Super Single Mom Moment:When two of your children are so close let them play and strengthen their bond.

When the table becomes a battlefield: You against a Picky Eater

When your busy running from activity to activity it can be hard to plan, cook or choose meals that satisfy everyone. Especially if you have the dreaded picky eater. It may be simple and fast to eat fast food everyday but we know that's not healthy for ourselves or our children and when everything else is met with a frown it can get frustrating.

According to Parenthood.com the period of 12 to 21 months of age is a good time to get children ready for a healthy diet. According to the article "Is Your Child a Picky Eater" Toddlers tend to crave adventure and variety so the toddlers should be eating what the rest of the family is eating. This article also says that between the ages of 2 and 3 children develop food cautiousness. The article says to deter the picky behavior don't force children to eat things when they refuse instead let them watch you eat it.

This is great advise for my toddlers and I am using it as much as I can, but what about my 10 year old who is refusing to eat much of what my mother, who is helping me out while I go to school, puts on the table. My mother cooks food from scratch many times. These are foods I grew up eating but as the spoiled youngest never learned to cook. I know it's not the greatest but my meals largely depend on things that come out of a box or the freezer. As a busy single mom if I can microwave it while working on a paper it's a food staple! So now that we are getting some home cooked meals my 10 year old turns up her nose. She would much rather have Bob Evans microwave macaroni and cheese then my mothers homemade Mac & Cheese made with sausage!

MayoClinic.com has an article that has some really good tips for children of all different ages. "Children's nutrition: 10 tips for picky eaters" gives 10 tips for dealing with a picky eater.

10 TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A PICKY EATER

Respect your child's appetite-or lack of one

Stick to the routine

Be patient with new foods

Make it fun

Recruit your child's help

Set a good example

Be sneaky

Minimize distractions

Don't offer dessert as a reward

Don't be a short order cook

I don't fight my 10-year-old anymore, I just offer her one alternative that usually she can make herself and we don't make a big deal of it. I do ask her to at least try it once before she says no.

Super Single Mom Moment:Don't make the dinner table a battle field! Realize your not alone and that their are solutions to the problem of a picky eater.

Family Friendly Environments, University 0 Future Employment Opportunities 6

As a single mother going to school it is sometimes a challenge when your professor assigns group projects. Although group projects can be usefull to teach teamwork, time management and leadership finding the time in an already booked up schedule can be difficult. Finding time can be a problem for anyone with a an extra job or other comitments, but poses a more challenging problem for single mothers. Many single mothers rely upon child care centers to watch thier children. Most child care centers close at 6. That limits avialablity for scheduling group meetings. This is not to mention the guilt that a single parent may feel if they ARE able to find a sitter.


As a single mom about to graduate in only a few months I am beggining to think about employment and employers. How family friendly will my employer be? What types of programs out there should I be looking at to know that my employer cares about being family friendly?


According to Managemment-issues "the U.S. lags dramatically behind all other high-income countries, and even behind many middle- and low-income countries, when it comes to protecting – or even acknowledging - the family lives of workers." It based this on a report by Harvard and McGill University researchers.

Working Mothers magaizne said in "Working Mothers 100 Best Companies 2009" the programs that make companies good for families are things such as telecommuting, flextime schedules, jobsharing, compressed work weeks, help with child-care needs and sick-child care. The article breaks down the top 100 companies and what they offer.

What do some of these programs mean for a single mother?

Telecomuting is when a parent can work from home. Their home office would be set up with everything they would need to work from home. Thier may be scheduled days to meet for meetings but on average the parent would be working from home and so able to manage thier time better.

Flextime schedules is when all workers would have set times to be in the office during the day and then the rest of the hours are up to them. Possibly it is easier for you to work early in the morning or later at night. It works well for those who have a large chunk of time like when children are getting out of school that they need to be home but then could work later.
Job Sharing is when two proffessionals that want to work only part time share a full time position.

A compressed work week is when a worker works more hours a day but less days a week. Typically 4 days of 10 hrs.
Although at the collegent level there really isn't any programs set up for extra work such a group projects for single mothers like me it is comforting to know that there are employers thinking of people like me! Although the U. S. may be behind other countries it is still encouraging for me to know I can look for companines that value these programs and I can utilize research to explain what and why these work for employers who do not.

Super Single Mom Moment: Hope and preperation!

Food Stamps, now Food Assistance = Support for Single Moms

Being a single mother in College I rely upon my support system and programs to help me provide some of the basic necisities to my children. One such program I utilize is Food Stamps. Those who have utilized this know how essential it can be sometimes.

Many feel a stigma attatched to utilizing this program. "Once Stigmatized, food Stamps find Acceptance" an article in the New York Times discusses the growing acceptance of Food Stamps. I agree that because of the new card there is less stigma and fraud and a lot easier to use at the stores.

Many stores are concerned with time and getting as many people through the registers as possible. Many Food Stamp users are buisy and don't want to be held at the register for a long time and so the card makes it easier for all.

If this is not a program you are utilizing you may want to apply. According to the Ohio Job and Family Services (OJFS) website you can apply for Food Assistance, formally Food Stamps by filling out an application form found on thier website, contacting your local JFS or filing an applicant through your local Ohio Benefit Bank site. The website explains the guidelines and documents needed to apply.

Although it may feel like a hastle to apply and continually recertifying Food Assistance can be one less thing a single mother has to worry about for thier children. In my opinion there is no shame in providing food for your child. If you can not do this on your salery or if you are going to school and currently do not have a salery Food Assistance most likely is a necsisty.

Super Single Mom Moment: Putting asside political belif and fear of social stigma to provide food for your children!

Nick Jr. time, a.k.a. mommy work time

Nick Jr. for me is peace quiet and work time for mommy!

As a single mother trying to graduate there are times during the day I just need an hour or so to write a paper or read. Nick Jr. is educational with shows like "Dora the Exploer" that teaches spanish phrases, "Team Umizoomi" that teachese preschoolers math, and shows such as "Wonderpets" that teaches teamwork. It is entertaining to my two, four and even my ten year old. The shows, songs and little songs inbetween are also entertaining to me. Other shows can make me want to buiry my head in a pillow. The shows on Nick Jr. allow me to sit and watch with my children as well as let them watch while I am working.

The fact that it is 24hrs 7 days a week and comercial free is amazing! My schedule isn't 9-5 by any means and I'll never know when I have to fit doing some homework in. I'd like to say I wait until the kids go to bed to do all my homework but the fact is, I am so tired by that point most of what I read wouldn't sink in.

Many of the shows on Nick Jr. appeal to more than just preschoolers. Shows like "Yo Gabba Gabba" have music guests, "The Ting Tings", and regular guests, Jack Black, that appeal to me.

Super Single Mom Moment: Getting work done while listening to shows that I aprove of and don't make me what to bury my head under a pillow!

It's a Valentines Day party, open up the drawbridge, let in the candy

Valentines Boxes and Valentines Cards are a tradition for elementary school Valentines parties. A couple days before, parents and children would mold together a small box or envelope to hold their cards that they made to give the other students. As with many of the holidays, Valentines Day and it's traditions has been commercialized.

Most single mom households and even two parent households don't take the time to make cards anymore. This year I noticed the stores even had boxes you could buy. Squashing all the fun and creativity out of the tradition.

This year we decided not to buy any of the pre-made stuff for my daughter Raven's Valentines "kit". Her father worked for two weeks designing and building her "box". Her grandmother, my mother, printed out cards that they colored during the two snow days we had this week.

The result was a very happy 10-year-old.

Her father spent some money and worked hard but ultimately he said the look on Raven and her classmates' faces was worth it. "Castle Raven" has a center building that opens up for her to insert her cards and holds candy to give her classmates. It also includes a scroll hidden under the "grass" marked by an X. The scroll gives a hint to where other candy is hidden.

As a single mother something like this seemed impossible for me to do. Every year I bought the standard cards and covered a shoe box in tissue paper. I would see other parents/moms bringing in more elaborate boxes and feel like I was letting my daughter down.

This year I did two things that are very hard for me to do. I asked for help and relinquished control. I realized I didn't have the time to do what I wanted for my daughter and saw the opportunity to get her father more involved in these types of events in her life. I also realized that I needed to utilize my support system. My support system consists of my parents, my siblings and a few of my very understanding and supportive friends. They are my lifelines!

Super Single Mom Moment? Asking for help and Relinquishing Control!