The Beginning & The Beginning of the End; My Domestic Violence Story: Part I

It was a beautiful sunny day and I was catching up with the girls I went to high school with. I was 19 and in my second semester of college when I met my abuser. He was short dark and handsome and he had the most charming and heart stopping smile I had ever seen. Our relationship started with innocent flirting and ended in three children, one domestic violence charge, one sexual assault charge, one rape charge and over 8 years of emotional and physical abuse.

According to domesticviolence.org domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating. According to womenslaw.org the Ohio Revised Code describes domestic violence as:
(A) No person shall knowingly cause or attempt to cause physical harm to a family or household member.

(B) No person shall recklessly cause serious physical harm to a family or household member.

(C) No person, by threat of force, shall knowingly cause a family or household member to believe that the offender will cause imminent physical harm to the family or household member.

(D)(1) Whoever violates this section is guilty of domestic violence

According to domestic violence.org there is a cycle of Violence. first there is increased tension, anger blaming and arguing then an incident happens which could be Battering, hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, use of objects as weapons, sexual abuse, verbal abuse or threats and then there is a stage of calm where the abuser may deny, make excuses, apologize and promise it will never happen again.

My abuser definitely went through this cycle which can keep the victim feeling always on edge and confused. I was never sure when the calm would suddenly end and the cycle would begin again. For years I hid it from my family, friends and co-workers. Although some had ideas and knew that our relationship was not healthy none had any idea just how bad it was. Until the day I came to work with bruises on my body and bite marks on my four month pregnant belly.

In the next couple of posts I will discuss my next steps and give information from hospitals, courts and counseling centers for those who are or may know someone going through a domestic violence situation.

Image from jccdv.org

Super Single Mom Moment: Domestic Violence has a cycle that is designed to keep the victim on edge and in the relationship. Don't feel embarrassed your not the only one!

The Potty is Your Friend: Getting your child ready to potty train

Peeing in front of your toddler can feel akward but sometimes thats just what you have to do to teach them how to use the toilet. I've had a child in my life and in my bathroom since the age of 22(Raven was born when I was 21 so it was about a year before I gave up my right to privacy in the bathroom). 10 years later with my third child it is no different. My son follows me into the restroom continuoulsly. However unlike with the two girls before him, he can't learn everything from me. Now all I have to do is convince his father that it is a normal process of potty training to let your child watch you use the toilet.

According to http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/ There are certain needs that must be apparent before a child can be ready to potty train.

Physiological

They must be able to stay dry for at least 2 hours: This is to show that they have some control over their bladder.

Voiding large amounts: Another sign to show that they can control their bladder.

Psychological

Know that they are voiding: If they don't recognize the feeling they can't tell you before or try to make it to the potty.

Want to potty train: If they aren't interested or excited about it there isn't really much you can do to get them to potty train.

Physical

Be able to walk: If they can't get around they can't get to the potty!

www.kepkeidshealty aslo says that once your child has reached all these ready signs that you must set the stage for them.

Model: This is when you need to tell and show them what they are supose to use the potty for.

Get the poty ready: Make sure it is the right height and easy for the child to use.

Decide on Pull-ups, training pants and underwear (at different stages your child may be ready for these): Pull-ups are good to start with until the child has some consistant success or they may get discouraged when they have accedents and make messes upon the floor.

Now You Can Start!

Super Single Mom Moment: Make sure you and your child are ready before attmepting to Potty Train so neither of you get frustrated!

The Bond of Siblings

Super Single Mom Moment:When two of your children are so close let them play and strengthen their bond.

When the table becomes a battlefield: You against a Picky Eater

When your busy running from activity to activity it can be hard to plan, cook or choose meals that satisfy everyone. Especially if you have the dreaded picky eater. It may be simple and fast to eat fast food everyday but we know that's not healthy for ourselves or our children and when everything else is met with a frown it can get frustrating.

According to Parenthood.com the period of 12 to 21 months of age is a good time to get children ready for a healthy diet. According to the article "Is Your Child a Picky Eater" Toddlers tend to crave adventure and variety so the toddlers should be eating what the rest of the family is eating. This article also says that between the ages of 2 and 3 children develop food cautiousness. The article says to deter the picky behavior don't force children to eat things when they refuse instead let them watch you eat it.

This is great advise for my toddlers and I am using it as much as I can, but what about my 10 year old who is refusing to eat much of what my mother, who is helping me out while I go to school, puts on the table. My mother cooks food from scratch many times. These are foods I grew up eating but as the spoiled youngest never learned to cook. I know it's not the greatest but my meals largely depend on things that come out of a box or the freezer. As a busy single mom if I can microwave it while working on a paper it's a food staple! So now that we are getting some home cooked meals my 10 year old turns up her nose. She would much rather have Bob Evans microwave macaroni and cheese then my mothers homemade Mac & Cheese made with sausage!

MayoClinic.com has an article that has some really good tips for children of all different ages. "Children's nutrition: 10 tips for picky eaters" gives 10 tips for dealing with a picky eater.

10 TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A PICKY EATER

Respect your child's appetite-or lack of one

Stick to the routine

Be patient with new foods

Make it fun

Recruit your child's help

Set a good example

Be sneaky

Minimize distractions

Don't offer dessert as a reward

Don't be a short order cook

I don't fight my 10-year-old anymore, I just offer her one alternative that usually she can make herself and we don't make a big deal of it. I do ask her to at least try it once before she says no.

Super Single Mom Moment:Don't make the dinner table a battle field! Realize your not alone and that their are solutions to the problem of a picky eater.