The Beginning & The Beginning of the End; My Domestic Violence Story: Part I

It was a beautiful sunny day and I was catching up with the girls I went to high school with. I was 19 and in my second semester of college when I met my abuser. He was short dark and handsome and he had the most charming and heart stopping smile I had ever seen. Our relationship started with innocent flirting and ended in three children, one domestic violence charge, one sexual assault charge, one rape charge and over 8 years of emotional and physical abuse.

According to domesticviolence.org domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating. According to womenslaw.org the Ohio Revised Code describes domestic violence as:
(A) No person shall knowingly cause or attempt to cause physical harm to a family or household member.

(B) No person shall recklessly cause serious physical harm to a family or household member.

(C) No person, by threat of force, shall knowingly cause a family or household member to believe that the offender will cause imminent physical harm to the family or household member.

(D)(1) Whoever violates this section is guilty of domestic violence

According to domestic violence.org there is a cycle of Violence. first there is increased tension, anger blaming and arguing then an incident happens which could be Battering, hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, use of objects as weapons, sexual abuse, verbal abuse or threats and then there is a stage of calm where the abuser may deny, make excuses, apologize and promise it will never happen again.

My abuser definitely went through this cycle which can keep the victim feeling always on edge and confused. I was never sure when the calm would suddenly end and the cycle would begin again. For years I hid it from my family, friends and co-workers. Although some had ideas and knew that our relationship was not healthy none had any idea just how bad it was. Until the day I came to work with bruises on my body and bite marks on my four month pregnant belly.

In the next couple of posts I will discuss my next steps and give information from hospitals, courts and counseling centers for those who are or may know someone going through a domestic violence situation.

Image from jccdv.org

Super Single Mom Moment: Domestic Violence has a cycle that is designed to keep the victim on edge and in the relationship. Don't feel embarrassed your not the only one!