It was the morning of October 8, 2005 about 2:30 am when I was subjected to hours of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. My four-year-old daughter lay awake in the next room filled with fear and confusion. Afraid of what he may do to me or our daughter, I endured it and waited without sleep until it was time for me to go to work. I had endured years of this but this was the second time my daughter, of an age of understanding, witnessed her father abusing me. I knew it had to stop, but I was unsure of what to do or even how to begin. I fretted about whether to just take our daughter and leave or leave her there so he would not be suspicious.
Although it killed me I left her there and went to work hoping that a friend who was also in law enforcement would be there. As I entered I did what I always did after the abuse, put on a fake smile and pretended I was the happiest girl in the world. It was fairly easy; I’d been doing it since I was young to stop my mother’s fear of my depressions. Now, it came in handy for my abuser.
We were having a potluck that day and during my break I caught my supervisor and Melanie, the coworker I was looking for, alone. I asked one simple question, “How do you get rid of an abusive boyfriend?” And with one simple question of her own she cracked my facade. “Recently physically abusive,” Melanie asked and I began to cry. I showed her the bite mark and bruises from that morning. She made a call to the police and before I knew it I was giving an account of what happened to an officer.
I was then escorted to the police station and gave a taped statement. Melanie sat beside me the whole time holding my hand when at times the fear of my abusers retaliation would fill my body and the need to flee would take hold. She never told me I had to stay but she assured me that she would do all she could to help me get away from my abuser.
Although it killed me I left her there and went to work hoping that a friend who was also in law enforcement would be there. As I entered I did what I always did after the abuse, put on a fake smile and pretended I was the happiest girl in the world. It was fairly easy; I’d been doing it since I was young to stop my mother’s fear of my depressions. Now, it came in handy for my abuser.
We were having a potluck that day and during my break I caught my supervisor and Melanie, the coworker I was looking for, alone. I asked one simple question, “How do you get rid of an abusive boyfriend?” And with one simple question of her own she cracked my facade. “Recently physically abusive,” Melanie asked and I began to cry. I showed her the bite mark and bruises from that morning. She made a call to the police and before I knew it I was giving an account of what happened to an officer.
I was then escorted to the police station and gave a taped statement. Melanie sat beside me the whole time holding my hand when at times the fear of my abusers retaliation would fill my body and the need to flee would take hold. She never told me I had to stay but she assured me that she would do all she could to help me get away from my abuser.
I interviewed a police officer, Mike Williams, about taking statements from domestic violence victims. Williams, said"taking statements of domestic violence is never easy. " He said that the intimate nature of some of the questions he must ask is hard on both sides.
Williams said, "I know that in the end these questions will aid in the prosecution of the offender and that's why it's my duty to ask them."
After the police statement I was taken directly to the hospital. There were two reasons for this the first was because of the sexual nature of the abuse and the second to make sure the four month old unborn child in my stomach was still OK. While I was on my way to the hospital a police officers went to my apartment to pick up my daughter and to arrest my abuser.
After the police statement I was taken directly to the hospital. There were two reasons for this the first was because of the sexual nature of the abuse and the second to make sure the four month old unborn child in my stomach was still OK. While I was on my way to the hospital a police officers went to my apartment to pick up my daughter and to arrest my abuser.
Williams said, "I try to make it the least stressful on any children in the house as I can."
I was assured that they had two officers, one took my abuser as he answered the door and the other went immediately to find my daughter so she did not witness him being arrested.
A special nurse was assigned to me who had been trained to administer a rape kit. The invasive nature of this medical/forensic tool is hard to describe. Many times I felt like crying and saying stop it is too much. However, I understood the need and purpose of it and cooperated as well as I could. The nurse administering the rape kit was very well trained and did a good job of gentle guiding me through the procedures.
Part of the rape kit was to take down my statement. The nurse did this and as a matter of procedure I was assigned a victim advocate, Ivy. I sat there, Melanie by my side, and retold the story again in front of two new strangers. I didn’t know it then but Ivy would become one of the most important people in my life at this time.
A special nurse was assigned to me who had been trained to administer a rape kit. The invasive nature of this medical/forensic tool is hard to describe. Many times I felt like crying and saying stop it is too much. However, I understood the need and purpose of it and cooperated as well as I could. The nurse administering the rape kit was very well trained and did a good job of gentle guiding me through the procedures.
Part of the rape kit was to take down my statement. The nurse did this and as a matter of procedure I was assigned a victim advocate, Ivy. I sat there, Melanie by my side, and retold the story again in front of two new strangers. I didn’t know it then but Ivy would become one of the most important people in my life at this time.
I interviewed Dawn Thompson a LPN, about what she was taught about domestic violence victims. She said, "I was only taught to look for signs."
Thompson also said she was taught to comfort anyone who expresses that they are a victim of domestic violence.
"We are supposed to alert authorities." Thompson said.
When I was done I had an ultrasound to make sure my baby was all right. It was and my coworker escorted me to my apartment to gather some of my possessions. Already there were collect calls from the jail from my abuser. I broke down and cried again and Melanie hugged me tightly.
From there came charges and court cases. I will discuss that in a later post.
Super Single Mom Moment: Sometimes it is the unlikeliest people we use to get help. Melanie was my "angel".You never know when you will have the chance to be a domestic violence victim's "angel".
When I was done I had an ultrasound to make sure my baby was all right. It was and my coworker escorted me to my apartment to gather some of my possessions. Already there were collect calls from the jail from my abuser. I broke down and cried again and Melanie hugged me tightly.
From there came charges and court cases. I will discuss that in a later post.
Super Single Mom Moment: Sometimes it is the unlikeliest people we use to get help. Melanie was my "angel".You never know when you will have the chance to be a domestic violence victim's "angel".
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I so can relate! I am also a single mom of three children... I just love it!
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