Make your Family Bonding Night a Classic Movie Night

Classic Movie Night
A good cheep inexpensive Saturday night activity and way to bond with your children is to hold a classic movie night. This can’t just be sitting down and watching a movie, you have to do a little more but it can do a lot for you and your children.

Picking a Classic Movie
Choosing a classic movie will give you something to talk about with your children. You can talk about how you felt when you first watch this movie, where you lived and why you really liked it. It gives you a reason to share a little about yourself with your children.

To find a good classic movie you can check out the Turner Classic Movie website. It has a database of movies, lists of what it's playing and tons more.

Create a Setting
Bring down pillows and blankets and make a large area for you and your children to lay down or sit comfortably. Sitting together can help make it a bonding moment too. If you’re all sitting in different seats it’s not as much of a together moment.

Or line some chairs up like a movie theater and turn out the lights, this creates a mood for the children.

Make some Snacks
Letting the kids help make popcorn, or snacks such as banana splits, milkshakes can make it a fun time too. While making the popcorn maybe make a couple of different bowls with mix-ins such as chocolate candy, different seasonings, or caramel popcorn, to make it interesting.

Learning Moments
Depending on the age or age range of your children if the movie has a nice message this can be a lead in to discussing important morals or values you want to instill into your child.

Super Single Mom Moment: These are the movies you loved, why not expose your children to something dear to you!

Birthday Parties! A Yearly Expense

I don’t know about the rest of you single mom’s out there but when I know one of my children’s birthday’s are coming up I start to tear up, and it’s not only because they are another year older! Birthday parties have become an expensive event. You can almost rank it up there with Christmas and it usually exceeds Easter and Halloween!

Why? After you buy all the party supplies aka: matching decorations, the present, a new outfit, party favors, food and a cake do you have anything left for entertainment? I don’t, so I try to find creative ways to bring my cost down. I have already talked about my Ohio Direction card which takes care of the food, cake and snacks. However, even with it I don’t usually have any extra every month so I must plan and budget for these things.

If you have the money to it can seem like a great idea to give store baought party favors. Where do those little toys that you can buy from Wal-Mart and other stores really end up? Mine usually end up in the trash or sometimes as bath toys for a while, because I don’t mind throwing them away.

Instead of giving cheep toys why not give something that they could actually use? A picture or a t-shirt is something they can have fun designing and keep forever. If you give a picture you could buy a cheap frame from a dollar store or make them from Popsicle sticks.Let the kids decorate them as part of the entertainment. T shirts can be bought in packs of 5 and then either written on with cloth markers or puffy paint. These materials can also be used over and over and are somewhat of an investment. Doing cheep crafts with them helps with something to do and gives them something to take home.

I also believe in using things you already have, for girl’s slumber parties, old dress up clothes and make up is an easy way for them to be entertained. Food crafts are always fun too. Have them help bake some cookies, cupcakes and then decorate them. Having a dance contest is cheep and makes for great video's that can be made into keepsakes. The winner doesn’t need to get a prize, they can get other perks, like the first to pick an outfit or get their hair and make up done. There are tons of cheep sleepover games to play with all different ages.

For summer birthday parties a trip to the park is always an A+ with my kids, the playground equipment is the entertainment and all I have to do is worry about getting the food around, the presents opened and taking good pictures!

Super Single Mom Moment: Fun is the most important ingrediant in a good Birthday Party not Money!

Photo by: Heather Camden

The Terror and Relief of Making a Statement; My Domestic Violence Story:Pat II

It was the morning of October 8, 2005 about 2:30 am when I was subjected to hours of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. My four-year-old daughter lay awake in the next room filled with fear and confusion. Afraid of what he may do to me or our daughter, I endured it and waited without sleep until it was time for me to go to work. I had endured years of this but this was the second time my daughter, of an age of understanding, witnessed her father abusing me. I knew it had to stop, but I was unsure of what to do or even how to begin. I fretted about whether to just take our daughter and leave or leave her there so he would not be suspicious.

Although it killed me I left her there and went to work hoping that a friend who was also in law enforcement would be there. As I entered I did what I always did after the abuse, put on a fake smile and pretended I was the happiest girl in the world. It was fairly easy; I’d been doing it since I was young to stop my mother’s fear of my depressions. Now, it came in handy for my abuser.

We were having a potluck that day and during my break I caught my supervisor and Melanie, the coworker I was looking for, alone. I asked one simple question, “How do you get rid of an abusive boyfriend?” And with one simple question of her own she cracked my facade. “Recently physically abusive,” Melanie asked and I began to cry. I showed her the bite mark and bruises from that morning. She made a call to the police and before I knew it I was giving an account of what happened to an officer.

I was then escorted to the police station and gave a taped statement. Melanie sat beside me the whole time holding my hand when at times the fear of my abusers retaliation would fill my body and the need to flee would take hold. She never told me I had to stay but she assured me that she would do all she could to help me get away from my abuser.

I interviewed a police officer, Mike Williams, about taking statements from domestic violence victims. Williams, said"taking statements of domestic violence is never easy. " He said that the intimate nature of some of the questions he must ask is hard on both sides.

Williams said, "I know that in the end these questions will aid in the prosecution of the offender and that's why it's my duty to ask them."

After the police statement I was taken directly to the hospital. There were two reasons for this the first was because of the sexual nature of the abuse and the second to make sure the four month old unborn child in my stomach was still OK. While I was on my way to the hospital a police officers went to my apartment to pick up my daughter and to arrest my abuser.

Williams said, "I try to make it the least stressful on any children in the house as I can."

I was assured that they had two officers, one took my abuser as he answered the door and the other went immediately to find my daughter so she did not witness him being arrested.

A special nurse was assigned to me who had been trained to administer a rape kit. The invasive nature of this medical/forensic tool is hard to describe. Many times I felt like crying and saying stop it is too much. However, I understood the need and purpose of it and cooperated as well as I could. The nurse administering the rape kit was very well trained and did a good job of gentle guiding me through the procedures.

Part of the rape kit was to take down my statement. The nurse did this and as a matter of procedure I was assigned a victim advocate, Ivy. I sat there, Melanie by my side, and retold the story again in front of two new strangers. I didn’t know it then but Ivy would become one of the most important people in my life at this time.

I interviewed Dawn Thompson a LPN, about what she was taught about domestic violence victims. She said, "I was only taught to look for signs."

Thompson also said she was taught to comfort anyone who expresses that they are a victim of domestic violence.

"We are supposed to alert authorities." Thompson said.

When I was done I had an ultrasound to make sure my baby was all right. It was and my coworker escorted me to my apartment to gather some of my possessions. Already there were collect calls from the jail from my abuser. I broke down and cried again and Melanie hugged me tightly.

From there came charges and court cases. I will discuss that in a later post.

Super Single Mom Moment: Sometimes it is the unlikeliest people we use to get help. Melanie was my "angel".You never know when you will have the chance to be a domestic violence victim's "angel".

Parks and Museums in Northwestern Ohio

As Spring arrives and summer begins single mothers are sometimes at a loss for what to do with thier children. With little to no extra spending money the activities can seem very limited. Here is a map for those of you who want to do some things with your children that is low to no cost.



View Parks and Museums in Northwestern Ohio in a larger map

Super Single Mom Moment: Doing fun and inexpensive activities with your children.

Car Seats and Booster Seat Laws

Carseat and Booster Seat laws have changed so much in recent years I thought it would be benneficial to let everyone know what it is. A complete list of what the law is for each state can be found at elitecarseats.com.

In Ohio infants must be in a rear facing carseat until age one and they must meet the requirement of 20lbs. Children must be in a carseat until the age of 4 and they must meet the requirment of 40lbs before they can move up to a booster seat. Children must sit in a booster seat until the age of 8 and they must meet the requirment of 57".

The Beginning & The Beginning of the End; My Domestic Violence Story: Part I

It was a beautiful sunny day and I was catching up with the girls I went to high school with. I was 19 and in my second semester of college when I met my abuser. He was short dark and handsome and he had the most charming and heart stopping smile I had ever seen. Our relationship started with innocent flirting and ended in three children, one domestic violence charge, one sexual assault charge, one rape charge and over 8 years of emotional and physical abuse.

According to domesticviolence.org domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating. According to womenslaw.org the Ohio Revised Code describes domestic violence as:
(A) No person shall knowingly cause or attempt to cause physical harm to a family or household member.

(B) No person shall recklessly cause serious physical harm to a family or household member.

(C) No person, by threat of force, shall knowingly cause a family or household member to believe that the offender will cause imminent physical harm to the family or household member.

(D)(1) Whoever violates this section is guilty of domestic violence

According to domestic violence.org there is a cycle of Violence. first there is increased tension, anger blaming and arguing then an incident happens which could be Battering, hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, use of objects as weapons, sexual abuse, verbal abuse or threats and then there is a stage of calm where the abuser may deny, make excuses, apologize and promise it will never happen again.

My abuser definitely went through this cycle which can keep the victim feeling always on edge and confused. I was never sure when the calm would suddenly end and the cycle would begin again. For years I hid it from my family, friends and co-workers. Although some had ideas and knew that our relationship was not healthy none had any idea just how bad it was. Until the day I came to work with bruises on my body and bite marks on my four month pregnant belly.

In the next couple of posts I will discuss my next steps and give information from hospitals, courts and counseling centers for those who are or may know someone going through a domestic violence situation.

Image from jccdv.org

Super Single Mom Moment: Domestic Violence has a cycle that is designed to keep the victim on edge and in the relationship. Don't feel embarrassed your not the only one!

The Potty is Your Friend: Getting your child ready to potty train

Peeing in front of your toddler can feel akward but sometimes thats just what you have to do to teach them how to use the toilet. I've had a child in my life and in my bathroom since the age of 22(Raven was born when I was 21 so it was about a year before I gave up my right to privacy in the bathroom). 10 years later with my third child it is no different. My son follows me into the restroom continuoulsly. However unlike with the two girls before him, he can't learn everything from me. Now all I have to do is convince his father that it is a normal process of potty training to let your child watch you use the toilet.

According to http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/ There are certain needs that must be apparent before a child can be ready to potty train.

Physiological

They must be able to stay dry for at least 2 hours: This is to show that they have some control over their bladder.

Voiding large amounts: Another sign to show that they can control their bladder.

Psychological

Know that they are voiding: If they don't recognize the feeling they can't tell you before or try to make it to the potty.

Want to potty train: If they aren't interested or excited about it there isn't really much you can do to get them to potty train.

Physical

Be able to walk: If they can't get around they can't get to the potty!

www.kepkeidshealty aslo says that once your child has reached all these ready signs that you must set the stage for them.

Model: This is when you need to tell and show them what they are supose to use the potty for.

Get the poty ready: Make sure it is the right height and easy for the child to use.

Decide on Pull-ups, training pants and underwear (at different stages your child may be ready for these): Pull-ups are good to start with until the child has some consistant success or they may get discouraged when they have accedents and make messes upon the floor.

Now You Can Start!

Super Single Mom Moment: Make sure you and your child are ready before attmepting to Potty Train so neither of you get frustrated!